Left Hand Path
by PyrrhicVictories
Summary: What place in time or space could I call home if you aren't there?.' Yuugi and his yami ponder love and death. Odd, angsty shonenai. SongficNightwish, Bless the Child.


A/N: Hmm, my first songfic. This is going to be hard to understand. It just came to me suddenly, and I did my best to make it come out well. It's very odd, but I think it works.

This takes place at some point after series end. The perspective switches continuously between Yami no Yuugi and Yuugi. It might be a little hard to see where the perspective switches happen, but pay careful attention to the language and topic, and you'll get it!

The song here is "Bless the Child", by Nightwish. I recommend that everyone listen to it. The title of the fic is actually a line from the song that I didn't include in the story. It just seemed fitting, somehow...

Disclaimer:  I don't own these two lovely boys, as I'm sure they're thankful for after seeing the amount of angst I put them through. I don't own Nightwish either. I think at this point that they may own me...

Warnings: Shonen-ai, possible suggestions of suicide, angst angst angst, general stream-of-consciousness weirdness, and **SPOILERS **for the end of the series. Don't say I didn't warn you...

_Italics - _ song lyrics

:Left Hand Path:

-------------------------------------

_I was born amidst the purple waterfalls._

_I was weak, yet not unblessed._

_Dead to the world. Alive for the journey._

I was an arrogant youth. I remember that now. Created to rule, consecrated as the living Horus when I was but a child – how else might I be? The _sahoo_ saw great destiny in all of my auguries – a cause for celebration, and my pride increased. I stood confident before my people, my only fear in the strange dreams that plagued me. Repeatedly I shrugged off the creeping dread of these nightmares, that was all they were, for they could not be prophecy – had not the predictions said that I would save my people?

For the _sahoo_ was too frightened to reveal my true nature – a sacrifice.

_I dreamt all my future. Relived my past..._

Night after night, the same fearful dreams – darkness, despair, and blood, blood, blood...forgetting, forgotten, my name chipped from the walls that I might not recall...bound in pain, in confusion...starting up in bed with a cry, still feeling the chafing of invisible shackles, _knowing_ that this bondage would be mine, knowing it in the moment between sleep and wakefulness, before my mind could scoff at the implausibility of my fears...over and over, searing my soul...

Until the night I dreamt of light.

A warm kindness, reminding me of something, someone I was once, but I had never been so gentle, I know...calming my wildness, easing my suffering, hands soothing me though his own heart was pained...this one had known fear, all his soul was painted with it, and yet his courage had not faltered...and though the dark held me still, it bowed to my will, for I was made strong again by the light that surrounded me...I woke for once, all of those many years ago, in peace, wrapped all round in love.

Now that my time has come again, now that I have become the darkness and been embraced by the light...now that I must abandon all that I treasure...what will I dream of now?

_Where have all the feelings gone?_

_Why has all the laughter ceased?_

_Why am I loved only when I'm gone?_

It should've been a proud occasion. The hero restored, finally free to go to his reward like he should've been able to all those years ago...I should've been happy for him. But I wasn't. I couldn't be. Restored? In mind, maybe, but still not complete – just like me. Just...like...me. Neither of us are whole without the other – how could he go where I can't follow? I was angry – and heartsick.

My heart had been his since almost the first time we had truly spoken, and at last I couldn't take the silence anymore. I'd confronted him after school one day, poured out my heart to him, told him of my love with tears streaming down my face, and begged him just to _answer_ – just to let me know what his feelings were, even if he didn't care for me the way I did for him.

But he seemed to know that our separation was coming, somehow, because he only looked at me with those eyes of his, eyes like roses, and told me it wouldn't be right, not when he couldn't make any promises.

I think it might hurt more than knowing someone _can't_ love you, to know that they _won't_.

_How can I ever feel again?_

_Given the chance would I return?_

For all that I have done, I am still a coward. I had hoped that I could concoct a gentle and convincing refusal that would be enough to calm his heart, free him to find someone of his time and place. I wanted him to live in joy upon the free earth, not be bound to an...anachronism. But as I watched him weeping, my arms ached again with longing to hold him, and I no longer had the strength to deny my love for him. It was, in the end, only my concern for his wellbeing that kept me from sweeping him up and kissing the breath from him. Instead, I told him that I would not offer anything if I could not make promises. A coward's words. I broke his heart that day.

I wonder, now, if he would have felt the pain of separation less if I had simply admitted to him how I longed for him. I wish that I knew...I wish that I could stand beside him again...for even the light of the sun pales in comparison to his sweet brightness.

_Think of me long enough to make a memory..._

He looked back just once as he walked into the light. The love in his eyes as he looked at me will be burned in my mind forever.

_I've never felt so alone in my life_

_As I drank from a cup which was counting my time_

_There's a poison drop in this cup of Man..._

They all called me innocent – still do. But they don't seem to understand, innocence has to be protected to stay that way. And heartbreak, loss, disillusionment, put a mark on the soul that anyone who's got eyes to see can find. That tiny mark is bound to grow, now that I have no more darkness to overshadow it. The time of my spirit's purity is numbered, now.

_Think of me long enough to make a memory..._

I looked back just once as I stepped through the door to my end – I could not help myself. The look in his perfect, perfect eyes, love and anguish, told me all. He would no more forget me then I would him. A bittersweet pain to carry to the Blessed Lands.

_Where have all the feelings gone?_

_Why is the deadliest sin - to love as I loved you?_

_Now unblessed, homesick in time,_

_soon to be freed from care, from human pain._

I'm like a boat abandoned in a storm now, tossed and aimless – out of place in my own home. Heh, home? What place in time or space could I call home if you aren't there? I think that now I'm the houseless spirit. I-you-we were strong, and fearless, and no evil could stand against us. We loved, in our own desperate, lonely ways. What's left of that now?

When my life is gone, will I find you again? You stand with the Justified – would you leave your place to find me if I came looking for you? Would you testify before the scales of Ma'at for me? Would you hold me, kiss me, grant me all the love you wouldn't give me in this short life?

Would you forgive me that I couldn't wait to be called?

_My tale is the most bitter truth:_

_Time pays us but with earth & dust, and a dark, silent grave._

I can't be angry with you anymore – I know you always acted to protect me. I can't be bitter anymore – I know you always loved me, even if you couldn't tell me. But, I can't have hope anymore – all my hope went with you. All that's left now is to seek you on the western shore.

_Remember, my child: Without innocence the cross is only iron,_

_hope is only an illusion..._

Oh, my beloved, do not come to me in pain. Live long and joyously. Keep your innocent heart, remain free from the weight of judgment. I will await you patiently, arms open as they always should have been.

_The Child bless thee and keep thee forever._

---------------------------------------------------------------------

End Notes: That went interestingly. Alright, some definitions-

_Sahoo_ – Wizard, sorcerer

Justified – In ancient Egypt, the Justified were the people whose hearts were judged pure, and who were allowed to pass on to the afterlife.

Ma'at: The goddess of the cosmic balance. Her scales weighed the hearts of the dead. If their hearts were lighter than a feather(i.e. they were pure of heart), they were Justified, and moved on. If not, they were devoured.

The western shore: In ancient Egypt, to go into the west was to enter the afterlife. The City of the Dead was located on the western bank of the Nile.

:I'm interested in knowing what people think of this one. Please be so kind as to review:

-Pyr


End file.
